Where do I start when it comes to being the spouse I need to be?  There are some essential things we can do and be to make sure we are on track.  The fundamentals will always be the fundamentals, and if we learn to embrace them, a lot of other things will fall into place.

1. Have an Attitude of Learning

It’s easy to study for the purpose of learning something, but still not allow what we have learned to change us.  People are naturally afraid of the unknown… and change is the unknown! So we can know that we need to change, yet resist it.  It is important that we are ready to do whatever it takes to learn and grow. Keep in mind, learning is not just knowing, but allowing our new knowledge to impact us and take action on the things we need to do.  Learning takes effort – it is a stairway, not an escalator.

2. Knowing God

Making a Commitment

Knowing God isn’t about just making a one-time decision.  It is about a commitment. The decision is just the start and the commitment is moving down the road of life with God.  How do we do this? Our faith must affect our will.

Getting Into His Word

Reading God’s Word is His plan for us.  There is no substitute. With the technology and resources at our fingertips today, we are without excuse not to be fed by God’s Word.

Praying

God really wants to hear from you.  Yes, the good, the bad and the ugly.  He longs to hear from you so much more than you can comprehend.  Get into a habit of talking and listening to God.

Attending a Church

Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to stop assembling with other believers.  Get plugged into a good church and use your gifts, abilities and your finances to further God’s purpose.

3. Work on Yourself – Not Your Spouse

You won’t have the best possible marriage unless you are the best possible version of you… and that takes work!  Probably the most frequent mistake we make is to work on our spouse’s issues instead of our own. A lady and her husband once came to me for counseling and she started the session by saying,  “There’s nothing wrong with me. Work on him.” I felt like sending the husband home and making ten more appointments for her. There’s no one out there planning on how to make you a better you.  You must take the initiative and work on yourself!

4. Watch Your Growth – and Appreciate It

Probably the biggest lie Satan tells people is that they haven’t changed all that much since they’ve become a Christian.  In the Old Testament, people piled rocks to make a memorial of what God had done. I would suggest that you journal or at least keep a list of things God has done to change you into being more like Him (I like to call this a trophy case).  This takes time. Changing yourself is a crockpot, not a microwave. Don’t expect an instant result every time.

5. Never Give Up

Keep a mindset that you will never give up.  When I am tempted to neglect to work on my marriage, I remind myself that anyone can give up.  I dig down and say to myself that I will work this out. God tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, and I would think this should start with my spouse.  The goal is to treat my spouse with the respect that they deserve as a child of God. This is a goal that I will simply never give up.