Christ so loved me that He gave His life for me.  According to Ephesians 5:25, husbands are supposed to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  Wow! I’m supposed to love Kim as Christ loved the church. That means I am to give my life for her. This challenge has been before me for years and I, with God’s help, keep striving to love Kim in this way.  I don’t give up easily – even though I am not perfect, I am still going to keep striving to improve in this area.  

      It helps me to have a visible reminder of important things – these visuals help to guide me back to where I need to be. I enjoy woodworking, so a few years ago for Kim’s birthday I bought a bell kit (to make the type of handheld bell that a person might use to summon a butler). I hand crafted the wooden handle and gave her the finished bell for her birthday with this statement:  “You can ring this bell anytime you want and I’ll do anything you ask… and this is for the rest of our lives.” 

      OK, I know some of you are thinking I’m crazy.  Why would I want to give away my rights? Others are thinking that you would like to have a bell like that to use on your spouse.  If you are in this group, you are on the wrong end of its intention. The bell isn’t about getting, it’s about giving. If you want a bell to “use” on your spouse, that is being selfish, not generous.   The bell is a gift with my only intention being to give and not to receive. I have no desire to have a bell to use on Kim. Marriage is about humility… and the gift of the bell is me giving my humility to Kim.  Since Jesus gave me the model of dying for the church, why shouldn’t I die to Kim? After all, God wants me to serve her.  

      I know Kim and her character and I know that she wouldn’t ask me to rob a bank or do anything that is wrong.  I also knew the bell would change her heart, causing her to truly examine the depth of my love for her. She would know how much I love her and only use it at certain times.  In fact, she doesn’t like others to touch it. It belongs to her alone and gives us a uniquely personal bond as a couple. If someone else were to ring it, it would sound like nails on a chalkboard for us, yet when Kim rings it, it is a sweet sweet sound.  I jump up and ask what she needs, becoming like a Pavlovian dog who salivates to see what I can do for her. I absolutely can’t wait to do the task she has for me. Why? It is my opportunity to demonstrate my unconditional love for her. The bell is so special to her that when our older grandkids come to our home, they take it off the end table by her chair and place it on the mantle so the very little ones can’t reach it… all while being careful not to ring it. 

     Kim loves it that I am the funny one in our relationship and she loves it when I make her laugh.  The bell is no exception. We were in the kitchen and the bell was in the living room. She asked if I could do her a big favor.
    I answered, “You didn’t ring the bell.” 
    She said, “Do I have to go get it?” 
    I said, “No, just say ‘ding, ding.'”  Then she asked me to do the favor. I told her that she didn’t say “ding, ding” first.  She laughs, smiles and then says “ding ding” and then the favor she would like. I, of course, did it immediately.  

     An interesting thing here is the frequency in which she uses it.  You see, the bell may not be a good idea unless you are strong spiritually and in your marriage.  It’s been four years since I gave Kim the bell and she probably uses it once every three to six months.  But it’s still very special when she does use it. We both know the frequency of usage isn’t important. What’s important is that we know what it means in our relationship, and we know it is there and will always be there, and it will always work.  It will never fail. I would do anything for her and it wouldn’t be a chore, it would be an opportunity to show my love.  

     What is something you could do today to show your spouse that you have a Christ-like heart and are willing to serve them?  Start small and work your way to bigger things. Remember, this isn’t just about yourself and your spouse. Your marriage impacts everyone who sees it.  This includes your siblings, children, and if you have them, even grandchildren; as well as our friends, co-workers, and neighbors. Our marriages can have a positive influence for Christ to everyone that comes in contact with us.