As I write this in August of 2019, I’m helping a friend through his final days with cancer.  His wife is living in a myriad of thoughts and feelings. We might think we know how we would handle cancer, but I don’t think anyone actually knows until we have it.  It’s like the boxing analogy that says, “Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face.” We don’t really know how we would handle cancer until it comes to visit us.  I’ve been cancer-free now for almost seven years. Here’s the history in the notes as I took them during this time.

Mitch’s Prognosis 9/5/2012

     The date is September 2012  and for the past few years, I have been having higher than normal PSA test results.  PSA is one of the indicators they check for prostate cancer, which is checked through a blood test.  It should be below 4 and mine has been in the 5 – 7.4 range. Another symptom indicating the possibility of prostate cancer is that the prostate will generally be enlarged.  Mine definitely has been for the past several years.

     Here are some common prostate issues in most men as they age.  The prostate begins to grow or swell at about age 45 or 50. As they age, most men have frequent urination – especially at night and a slow urine stream.

I could go on about the details, but I’d like to concentrate on having cancer.  Here are some main points on my cancer though.

• I had a prostate biopsy, which is as much fun as it sounds, and they found out I had stage 3-4 cancer in 3% of my prostate
• I had an ultrasound and they thought I had a cyst.  
• I then had a CAT Scan.  A second doctor looked at the results and said, no, I had three kidneys, not a cyst.  He said the third one was what is called a duplicate system and may not even be functioning.

    My sister, Sue. was 47 when she found out in the fall of 1997 that she had cancer throughout her body.  She lived for about 6 months and then passed away. It was in the back of my mind that I could have the same results.

The Prostate Biopsy Results

     Dr. Wagner, my urologist, drew a picture of the prostate on a piece of paper and divided it into 12 sections.  He said they had found cancer in 1 of the 12 areas. The cancer is measured on a scale of 1 to 5; 1 being the least threatening and 5 the worst.  In one area I had cancer that was between 3 and 4, but this type of cancer was very curable. He also said he believed the cancer was only in the prostate and had not spread, so there was no hurry to take action.  I must admit that that was his opinion.  I only knew my sister had died of cancer and since I had it in my body, I wanted it out of my body as soon as possible.

     We then talked about several different treatment options.  It seemed the two most promising options were surgery (removal of the prostate) and radiation.  I asked the doctor which treatment he would recommend and he replied that both options have a great success rate and whichever one I chose would be right for me.  We also discussed the potential side effects of both options. Dr. Wagner told me that the surgery would be done with robotics, which greatly reduces the side effects.  He wouldn’t do the surgery himself, but had great confidence in a surgeon here in Fort Wayne named Dr. Dabagia.

     I told the doctor that I am a proactive person and had given it some thought before I came into the office.  I explained that I believe one of the worst things for our bodies and health is stress. He agreed, and I told him I would like to remove the prostate and never have to think about it again.  He said if I felt that way, then that was what was right for me.  

Here are the advantages:

1. The cancer is gone – very good chance of it anyway
2. No more prostate exams (boy, I’ll miss them – just kidding)
3. No more PSA tests – there will be only limited need for them the first two years
4. No more prostate biopsies
5. No concern over whether prostate cancer will come back, giving me peace of mind
6. I won’t have to get up as often at night to urinate.  I had been getting up every hour to go to the bathroom and I don’t sleep well when I have to do that.  Now I get to sleep well for the rest of my life.

Here are the risks:

1. Surgery
2. The chance I will not be able to control my urine
3. The chance I will not be able to get an erection again

     Dr. Wagner said I should anticipate going into the hospital to have surgery and go home the next day.  I would have a catheter for 2 weeks and might have some issues with urinary control for several months but he didn’t think it was a probability.  Dr. Wagner said when we are not urinating, the prostate holds back the urine about 60% and the urethral sphincter below the prostate does the remaining 40%.  He said to control urine flow after the surgery that the urethral sphincter has to be trained to do 100% instead of 40%.

How Am I Doing Mentally?

       I am a good combination between an optimist and a realist, so I believe that all will go well.  I also believe the risks I am taking will be worth the reward. I know that no surgery is a walk in the park.  I’ve had my appendix removed and know there will be a recovery time.

     Kim is a great person.  I know, she is my wife, but she also really is a great person.  The love that we have for each other is a great, great help and comfort at this time.  She is the love of my life, and as always, she encourages me to be my best. 

     I also believe everything happens for a reason.  Being a Christ-follower, I put my trust in Him. When I was 24 I made the decision that if I live, I’ll live for Christ and if I die – I’ll be with Him.  Nothing else matters. Yes, I’m human and want to be there for Kim, our children, and grandchildren – but my hope, my trust is in Christ. I have a good friend who had severe cancer and survived. We have had some good talks over the years. One of the things we’ve talked about is how that as Americans, we believe it is our right to be without sickness and troubles – that God’s responsibility is to keep us comfortable.  The truth is that God is much more interested in our character than our comfort and making us like Jesus. I don’t believe we grow when we are comfortable. We want to live with no storms and sunshine every day – but all sunshine makes a desert. The storms give us life and help us cling to God and grow outside of ourselves. 

     My sister Sue’s death in 1998 has changed me.  I’m less concerned with working and finding my worth that way.  I believe I’m a good worker – it just doesn’t possess me as it used to.  While I greatly miss Sue, I am a better person because of her death. I listen more, enjoy life more, kiss my wife more, and tell my kids I love them more.  Kim and I wouldn’t have sold everything and traveled in 2007 if Sue hadn’t died. It changed me for the better. I’ve often thought Sue would like that.

     As a believer, I am more interested in God’s will than my own.  Maybe God wants me to travel this path to make me more like Him.  What can I learn from this? My friend was battling cancer and hurting so much.  Finally one day he realized how much more he was clinging to Jesus because of his cancer.  With a pure heart, he cried out to God and said, “If this is what it takes to make me more like Jesus – bring it on – bring on the cancer!”

     This friend that had gone through cancer treatment said that many Christians pray for healing – but maybe we should instead pray for strength from God to go through what we must to be like Christ.  Corrie ten Boom was a lady whose family helped many Jews escape the Nazis in WWII. Her family was arrested and her father died 10 days later at a concentration camp. Her sister, Betsie and her were sent to Ravensbruck concentration camp where Betsie died and Corrie endured immeasurable hardship.  This is recorded in her great book, The Hiding Place.  Corrie lived the rest of her life inspiring others for Christ.  One day she was asked if she could change her life, would she? She replied, “Why would I want anything but God’s will for my life?”

     Before my testing started, I talked with God and asked only one thing – that glory to Jesus would come from this.

     We met with Dr. Dabagia, the prostate surgeon and liked him a lot.  We made plans to go ahead and have my prostate removed. My surgery was scheduled for October 18, 2012.  He said he had never seen such a supreme male specimen as me… OK, maybe that’s not exactly what he said….

      How am I doing?  Very well, thanks.  I am still in the same frame of mind as my last post.  I asked Kim the other day how she is doing. Everyone asks me but not her.  She thinks she is doing well.  

What I’ve Learned From Cancer (I’ll have several of these as I go along)

     I have a hobby of target shooting.  Last week I bought a year-long membership at the range because I believe I will still be here in a year.  Before cancer, I wouldn’t have thought of the possibility of not being here in a year. Think about it – we sign a 30-year mortgage and just casually assume we will be living in 30 years – a bit presumptuous, huh?

Friday, September 14, 2012

     Went to the prostate cancer surgeon today. The visit went great!  I am confident surgery is the right decision for me.

1. Kim and I both like Dr. Dabagia.  He is personable and knowledgeable and has a good businesslike personality.
2. He said surgery would probably be worth it for me even if I didn’t have cancer.  It will allow faster urine flow and I won’t have to get up in the night nearly as often to urinate.  I will also have to urinate less frequently during the day.
3. Dr. Dabagia believes they will remove the prostate and have no further treatment.  No one knows for sure, but that is what he is thinking based on my data.
4. He said I will have to use a catheter for 5 – 7 days
5. Chance of incontinence  – near 0%
6. Chance of impotence  
7. 35% chance I won’t be able to without assistance 
8. 0% chance I won’t be able to with assistance
9. The surgery will be at Lutheran Hospital
10. Time off work – 2 weeks
11. Chance cancer has spread – near 0
12. When will I have surgery – October 18, 2012
13. Why?  He likes to wait 8 weeks after prostate biopsy.
14. Cancer will not spread in that time.  We got it very early.
15. What is the chance he will spill and spread cancer during the surgery – he said it doesn’t happen and he explained the procedure.
16. I also asked the doctor if I could give cancer to Kim through our physical relations.  He said, “No, that’s not how it works”. Hey, I didn’t know and I certainly didn’t want to give it to Kim.

Update September 23, 2012

     My surgery is less than 4 weeks away – October 18.  I go in at 5:30 AM and have the surgery at 7:30. The surgery will be at Lutheran Hospital here in Fort Wayne.

     I miss my mom.  She was a great mom.  She passed away four years ago, but I still miss her.  I probably always will. She would like that.

     Kim and I have always talked a lot in bed.  It is fun just to lay beside her and hear what she has to say.  Some mornings I lay and watch her sleep and I can’t wait till she wakes up to hear what she has to say.  Sometimes I gently wake her up just to communicate with her. I just love hearing her voice. One night this week I asked her, “People always ask me how I am doing mentally.  How are you doing mentally?” It was a very good question. Suffice to say, I think we are both doing really well. If I have to have cancer, what I have is probably in the best place and it is not aggressive cancer.

Two interesting things I learned

     In my research, I learned that prostate cancer still in the prostate is pretty tame, but once it metastasizes outside of the prostate, it is a very hot cancer, and if it gets in the bones, it is even worse.  

     I also learned that the PSA test is not really accurate for telling if you have prostate cancer, but it is very accurate at telling if your prostate cancer has metastasized to other areas after the surgery. 

     Kim and I are still working out at Spiece Fitness Center three times a week.  We both enjoy it and we feel so much better when we do. We have taken up boxing.  We don’t hit other people, but I really enjoy hitting the weight bag and speed bag.  I’ve named my weight bag “Cancer” and I love beating the thunder out of it! It’s really good for me mentally to ‘fight’ cancer.

What I’ve Learned from Cancer

     My cancer buddy told me to be ready for well-intending people to give me input on things that will cure my cancer.  They will give or recommend books, web sites or whatever. People, especially with terminal cancer, may be more likely to grasp at anything in hopes of a cure – and there are some unscrupulous people out there selling all kinds of things that don’t cure cancer.  Be careful of people offering easy, quick remedies – I had it happen to me. The pitch was so forceful and I was made to feel as if I was ignorant if I didn’t do this thing. The experience was worse than finding out I had cancer. Really. It was very hurtful. Be caring, but thoughtful and considerate of the person’s feelings.  I’m sure the person was sincere in believing they were trying to help me, but they hurt me.

     I blogged about this and one thing I did was to include humor every week.  Humor is important to me and helps me get through tough times. I left this joke in the article.

This Week’s Humor

While taxiing at London ‘s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the Bleep are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” 

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. 

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Ma’am, ….. Was I married to you once?”

Update September 30, 2012

    It’s been a good week.  I have lots of counseling appointments and I like counseling, so that has been good.  

    Kim and I are doing very well mentally and spiritually.  I am actually doing better than I have for a long time. I have an incredible peace.  I can feel the prayers people are offering up for me. Thank you.

Update October 6, 2012

     Kim and I are still doing great.  Well, I know I am. I think Kim is letting on better than she is doing.  I keep assuring her that I am fine mentally and that I believe they will get all the cancer when they remove the prostate.  The doctor said he expects to get it all, so I am choosing to go that way mentally. If they don’t, we’ll go from there. I know we have a great love for one another and she dreads the thought of losing me – but I really don’t think that is going to happen. Our relationship has always been that I am the thermostat and Kim is the thermometer that monitors how I’m doing and reacts.  That’s just how we are. I’m doing fine but I think she is having a bit more trouble than she is letting on.

     I can honestly say that I feel the prayers of everyone.  I really do. Pray for Kim.

Update October 21 (Surgery was the 18th)

     Thursday morning I had my prostate removed.  It was done by Dr. Dabagia at Lutheran Hospital in Fort Wayne.  Everything in the hospital went great. The doctor said they would take some lymph nodes to see if there was cancer in the area.  During the surgery, a person went to Kim in the waiting room and told them the lymph nodes were negative for cancer. That was great news!  

I came out of surgery with no sickness and was hungry so I got lunch.  I’m surprised at how well it went. Every person in the hospital was absolutely great.  I had such a good experience.

     I was discharged Friday at noon and things took a big downturn at that point.  I was given Tylenol 3 with codeine. My stomach had serious rejection issues with it.  From Friday afternoon to Saturday afternoon I kept getting worse. I couldn’t keep anything down and that is bad enough normally, but after surgery, it is particularly bad.  I had surgery pain, stomach pain and hadn’t yet been able to have a BM. Between the three I was very miserable. Praise Kim. She took such good care of me. I think she made 6 trips to the store in 2 days.  The nurse on call prescribed Zofran for my nausea. You just put it under your tongue and let it dissolve. It was a miracle. I started feeling better within a minute and could eat within an hour or two.

     Last night I began to eat a little and this morning my stomach feels pretty good.  I have no pain so I am not taking any pain medicine besides ibuprofen to reduce swelling and an antibiotic.  I have to have the catheter in until next Friday when I get it out at the doctor’s office. It has been a minor inconvenience.

Update October 27

All good news…

     Today (Friday – 8 days after surgery) I went to the hospital and had a test to see if my bladder was sealed so they could remove the catheter.  The test results were great so I took them to my doctor. He removed the catheter and that was painless (I was hoping it was going to be).

     Everything we talked about at the doctor was very positive.  Normally, the prostate should be the size of a walnut. Mine was the size of a plum.  He said the pathology report said it was about 5% cancerous. He really believes they got it all.  I go back in 6 weeks to get a blood test and the PSA count should be zero.  

For now, I am retraining my urinary system.  That seems good so far. I really don’t think it will be a problem.

     Update: 24 hours since catheter removal and all is going very well.  No problems at all! Yee-haa!

Update November 9

Normal again…and it’s good!

     I continue to get my strength back.  I think it may be a bit before I’m 100%.  I still need a nap a lot of afternoons.

Update November 28

Home and Health

     I am still recovering well.  I believe it will be a while before I am 100% again.  Overall I’m doing very well though.

August 1, 2019 – Looking Back

  I had my routine PSA exams for the first two years and have had no recognizable PSA since my surgery.  I rarely get up at night to use the restroom and haven’t had issues with incontinence. I also haven’t had issues with E.D., as I thought I might.  All in all, I’m glad I had the surgery. Since my surgery, I have taken the opportunity to be “Cancer Buddies” with several men who have had prostate cancer.

One important lesson I learned is that when I got cancer, Kim did too.  You see because our spouse loves us so much, they actually take on our cancer.  If you know of someone with cancer, consider meeting the needs of their spouse. It’s ironic that the first thing I thought of when I found out I had cancer was that I was glad I had it instead of Kim.  Little did I realize how it would impact her too.