Do you feel that you sometimes waste time and energy communicating?  Sometimes we just don’t click or understand each other. Here we will connect you with 7 shortcuts to better your communication.

What’s a buzzword?  A buzzword is a simple word or statement spoken without emotion (possibly at a time you may feel like getting emotional about something,).  It can diffuse a situation. Buzzwords can also make something that is fun even more fun. Kim and I have developed many of these devices. These tools are in constant use and will impact us for a lifetime.  Buzzwords take a short time to say, but they mean a lot. Here are some guidelines for good buzzwords.

They are:

1. something that we both will know and use.  
2. short, simple and carry no emotion.  
3. able to diffuse the situation.  They move us from one place to a far better one
4. tools to improve our relationships.

Buzzwords can be used in many ways.  They can be used in flirting, defeating little things that bug us, getting our ego stroked when we need it, they can stop wall building or maybe they are just a shortcut to move us to a place in the conversation without a lot of extra words and time.  

Here’s how Buzzwords got started.  When I was a kid we had neighbors that were an older couple.  One night some friends were at their home and the wife was telling them about a lady that had been at their home previously and what she had said.  Her husband interrupted and said, “That’s not what she said. This is what she said.” To which she disagreed with him. After several volleys back and forth she finally said, “No, she didn’t.  She said this. She was sitting in that chair and she said this.” To which he replied, “No she wasn’t, she was sitting in that chair” and pointed to a different chair. Now… not only could they not agree on what was said…, they couldn’t even agree with what chair the lady was sitting in when she said it!  After the friends left, the wife went out to the barn and hung herself. True story.

I was young at the time and this left a big impression on me and my three siblings.  My mom knew of the impact and turned this unfortunate happening into a learning experience for us kids that would last for years.  When we would start down a road of a useless argument, my mom would simply say, “I think she was sitting in that chair.”  What it meant was, ‘This is a silly argument and isn’t worth killing yourself over.  Let’s agree to call a truce and stop this nonsense.”  By the way, it virtually always stopped the disagreement as both parties saw the silliness of the argument.  This is something to practice. The behavior of foolish, unproductive disagreeing can be learned or unlearned.   After learning this, I have watched for situations that need to be diffused or shortcuts to understanding each other and, bam, buzzwords got created!

Another advantage is that buzzwords are something that probably only our family knows.  They are a secret ‘code’ if you will. It’s good to have inside information on things that involve just us as a couple or a family.

Kim and I teach a few of our buzzwords to couples in premarital counseling.  We are always amazed when we see them at a later date and they tell us they use some of our buzzwords.  There’s no patent on our buzzwords, so feel free to use them. Better yet, make up your own and keep thinking of ways to create new ones for new situations.  Feel free to send your buzzwords to mitch@keepingthevows.com. Kim and I would love to hear what you come up with.

Here are some of our buzzwords:

1. I think she was sitting in that chair
2. Rate the food
3. Caveman
4. I have a number in mind
5. Processing
6. I’ve had a bad day
7. You decide

1. I think she was sitting in that chair.

I think we are headed for a silly argument.  This isn’t worth arguing over. I think we can agree we shouldn’t go down this road, can we just stop?

From time to time something will come up that could lead to a disagreement.  If it isn’t important, we handle it by saying, “I think she was sitting in that chair.”   Boom, the tense situation is gone!

2. Rate the food

Kim enjoys cooking things I like and I enjoy eating things I like.  While trying a new recipe Kim will ask, “What do you think?” I’ll assign it (not Kim) a number between one and ten.  Kim says if it’s not a seven or above that she will stop making it. She has lots of recipes that rate above seven. Remember that things can change over time.  A ten may become a six after a year or so. If so, she removes it from the rotation.

3. Caveman

I’m a caveman.  I have to know that I am needed and appreciated.  I will call to Kim, “Caveman!” to which she will come and ooh and aah over what I’ve done.  It validates me and makes me feel like a man. I need it so badly that I don’t even care if she is lying… it wouldn’t bother me a bit.  It is also a reminder to Kim that I need validation as a man. “Caveman” is a reminder to her of how I’m wired. It also reminds her to encourage and validate me in other ways.

4. I have a number in mind

Say we’re deciding how much money to spend on someone for Christmas or to give to a charity.  I feel if I say my opinion first that Kim may be influenced by what I say, so I simply get a number in mind and then say, “I have a number in mind.”  Then Kim gives me her number and I share the number I was thinking and all is well.

5. Processing

Last year I counseled 520 hours plus all my other duties.  There are times when we are sitting at the dinner table and Kim knows I’m off somewhere else thinking.  She will ask, “Where are you?”. I will simply say, “Processing”, which means I’m working through something and will be with you in fifteen to thirty minutes.  We talk about a lot of things but I don’t share counseling with her. It helps me that she gives me this time to get things right in my mental hard drive so I can be at my best again.  It’s good for me to take some of the things that happened that day and store them in an archive that isn’t opened frequently.

6. I’ve had a bad day

If I have had a bad day rather than coming home in a bad mood and snapping at her I just announce, “I’ve had a bad day”.  She goes into this mode I call ‘Mitch’s intensive care’. We both know I’m going to go to the living room, sit in my chair and watch some TV show that is relaxing to me.  She brings dinner in and puts a dish towel on my chest and sits the food on my lap. OK, how can this not improve my mood? You may be thinking, what if Kim has a bad day?  If this happens I will get a call or text at work asking if we can go out to dinner that night. I always know what that means. She has had a tough day and doesn’t feel up to cooking.  I always say, “Certainly, I love you, babe”.

7. You decide

I used to get frustrated because I’d ask Kim her opinion and sometimes she would say, “You decide.”  I have learned that when she says, “You decide.” that means she doesn’t care… really… so I just decide.  It’s surprising how long it took for me to learn this simple thing. If I’m not in a decision-making mood Kim is glad to let me use the “You decide” phrase.

Feel free to make up your own BuzzWords and let us know what you come up with.  Be sure to check out our “Keeping The Vows” YouTube page.  In fact, you can watch this article on YouTube here.