Do you think it’s hard to know if you’re in God’s will?  When we stop and think about it, God doesn’t ask us to give up anything that won’t kill us… either spiritually, mentally or physically.  What if there was an easy test to see if we are submitting to God or not? What if it were as simple as 1,2 3? If we hear a Biblical truth and run it through this filter, I believe we can know exactly where we are at when it comes to listening and obeying God.  

As believers when we hear God’s Word and His will is different from ours, we have three choices of response:

1. Indifference
2. Anger
3. Change

When God speaks through His word, our response exposes our spiritual maturity.  

If I am unconcerned with God’s Word and will, I am indifferent.

If I am proud and God is not on the throne of my life, I get angry.

If I am humble and allowing Christ to be on the throne of my life, I change.

I enjoy reading books by counselors.  Sometimes I can’t believe how frank and honest they are when talking to people.  I’ve been told I can be direct and honest. I’ve been told that one of my greatest counseling assets is that I am honest with people.  People who don’t want to change probably don’t appreciate honesty from anyone, even if it is the truth. This honesty must be linked with compassion and understanding.  You may be thinking, well, a counselor should be honest. The issue is, some people don’t want to hear the truth. Some people get put off when you get honest. I’m not talking about being rude.  I’m talking about telling the truth in love.

A lady came to me because she and her boyfriend wanted to get married, but he had a drinking problem.  What I heard her say, and what my notes reflected, was that he was emotionally abusive when he drank. I talked with her and we agreed they needed to get some things straightened out if they were to get married.  He would come with her for counseling, get into a program for his alcoholism and be clean from alcohol for a period of six months before she would even consider marrying him. She agreed.

The next morning, I received an email from her that they were getting married in about a month.  I wrote that somehow there was a misunderstanding and that I didn’t think it was in her best interest to do so.  She was not happy with my counsel and proceeded to tell me so. I sensed she would be happy if I backed down, agreed with her and did things her way.  I wrote back and explained that it was her choice to get married if she wanted to, I just could not support the decision as a pastor/counselor. She got very agitated and emailed the lead pastor that I was judgmental, mean, and shouldn’t be a counselor.  In her extended email with all the reasons I was wrong, she closed the letter with, “If you need any more information, let me know.” To me, this was saying, ‘Mitch is a jerk and if you need any more ammunition that would help you to discipline or dismiss him, let me know.’

My lead pastor was a guy who had my back.  Don’t get me wrong, if I did something unethical he would be there to call me on it.  We all need to have someone like that in our lives, but he’s not going to jump to a conclusion without the facts.  I think the best way to say this is that he trusts me, but if I did something unchristian, he would be there to keep me accountable.  He just emailed me the letter from her and asked what was happening. I replied and after reading my response he wrote her an email back that was very appropriate.  In his letter to her, he mentioned that our church is a place where people can come as they are and we love them, just as Jesus loves them. He explained that our church is not judgmental.  Yes, people can come as they are and we will welcome them, but we also love them enough to tell them the truth. He then asked, why would a pastor of thirty years make such a recommendation to her?  Could it be that it was in her best interest? In love, he challenged her to look at her circumstances again and consider the outcome. She replied she was very disappointed with his opinion and would be leaving the church.

Months later I received an email from her.  The subject just said, “You was right”. She took several paragraphs to explain that her temperament is such that when she wants something, she goes for it.  She said she will run over anyone who gets in her way. She said that is what she did with me. She wanted to get married so badly that when I got in the way of her wishes, she just ran over me and went straight to my boss.  She went on to say that her boyfriend got drunk in her apartment, used her gun and shot and killed himself. She told me how she now realized just how flawed her thinking was and apologized. She then thanked me for trying to protect her.  I emailed back and consoled her and invited her back to church.

Some people just don’t want any input beyond their own thinking.  I’m not sure why they come for counsel. Because of my ability to read people, I have a way of knowing very early in the session when they don’t want counsel and I ask them what they expect from the session.  Sometimes they just want to talk. The issue is glaring and they don’t want to address that, they just want to talk. When someone comes to me and their reasoning is flawed, it would stand to reason that they would expect and appreciate counsel toward rational thinking, but that is often not the case.  We can’t give this the time it needs here, but some people don’t want to be told that their reasoning is flawed. When confronted with the truth, they would rather go to a different counselor that won’t confront them but will side with them instead. Although no help or resolution will come from it, that is what they prefer.  I had a lady that once told me she saw a counselor every week for eight years. She told me I made more of an impact in her life in three sessions than the other counselor did in eight years. This is because I told her the truth and she was willing to hear it and change.

So why don’t we want to change?  Aside from mental health issues, some people just believe they have a better solution than God does.  I believe this is tied to our real belief. If Jesus is the Lord of my life, I will look to God for wisdom.  I will realize my true strength is in learning my purpose and learning how to navigate life’s many issues with the understanding that God has the answers.